Hey everyone! Hope you're all doing well.
Finals are almost here so I'm busy doing papers and preparing for the tests! While it's kinda stressful right now... I'm very excited to be getting ever closer to the summer break! Thank goodness I don't take summer classes, hehe!
I went to my writing contest! I think I did pretty well. 13000 people in total...I was in the final 60 and obtained seventh place in my conference. I was a little bit disappointed first--I was one place away from earning a medal, and my mom showed her displeasure in person and on FaceBook, then tried to cover it up. I was also scared that I disappointed all the friends who had really believed in me, but they all told me how amazing I did and how proud they were of me--they made me feel like a rockstar, haha! I realized that most people in the competition memorize quotes, literature sparknotes/summaries and excessively train to be totally impeccable... I've never done any of that, I just write from my heart and soul... So while my fear got the best of me for a short while, I realized how rad it was I got that far and did so well despite never training. Medals and titles don't matter--it's the journey and the experience. <3 If someone wants to make me feel bad about not placing, that's THEIR problem, not mine! It's actually lulzy to me that I thought I'd appear as a failure to those that love me--Jazz and my friends. Silly me... You guys are amazing, not assholes!
So yeah. It was a great competition, and I'm going to do my best to get back next year! I just really love writing, hehe. <3 I'm sorry for getting down in the dumps at first though.... T_T Digressing, the trip to Austin was AMAZING. It was a lot of fun--people certainly seem nicer there than in Houston, plus it's so much prettier and full of nature. The food we had was absolutely delicious (red velvet cake to die for omg) and I got to go swimming with Jazz... I even modified my tankini to be a bikini. ^-^ I'm totes deadset on a bikini for the summer now, haha! We also got to go to a beautiful nature park--we hiked across it, saw beautiful flowers and peacocks, made kissy faces after we skipped across a creek and then CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN. I mean...yes, it was a small mountain, but STILL A MOUNTAIN. It was kinda dangerous, but Jazz kept me safe (okay, saved my life like five times) and we were able to climb to its top and see the forest. Definitely an exhilarating experience...plus it gave me a great workout! <3 We also got to go to the mall there and Jazz bought me the cutest Pinkie Pie beanie baby and some of my favorite tea~
So yep...it was definitely a really good time! A fantastic experience all around fer sure... Now I'm just looking forward to summer. Little bit sad because both of my best friends are leaving to Canada and California to see their respective families for the majority of it... But at the very beginning and end of summer, we'll make up for it! :'D I'm just gonna miss them. Thinking of making a summer bucket list though...I don't wanna waste this one!
So...what are some fun things Jazz and I could go do? Any ideas for our bucket list that we might add if we're interested?
Also, I've been faring well emotionally. My mom and I haven't been fighting too terribly much, and some days I'm still recovering from a bad fight with someone I really love... Plus the longing for my father has been really painful lately (I wrote a really, really sad poem that scared poor Jazz, lol) But Jazz is really helping me through shit and helping me find the light in myself. Sometimes my insecurities crop up about being fat and my fear of gaining any more weight (I'm very content at the weight I'm at and have been at for a few years now, I don't want to lose OR gain anymore...and while I haven't with my current health habits, except minor fluctuations, a visit to a doctor and my mother rekindled my old phobia and body dysmorphia so it's been hard) but my weight has remained the same beautiful number with my body staying the same beautiful shape...plus my bloodwork results came in absolutely perfect on everything. My gyno really hates to admit it, but she thinks I have PCOS though. *shrugs* As long as I'm healthy, I'm very happy.... I love my body just the way it is (you guys know how much I love my fat) so I really hate when my insecurities and issues try and fuck that up. Plus my health is important to me, and as a firm believer of HAES, it hurts when people automatically try and diagnose me...all the while shaming me. >< I'll be alright though... It actually felt really good to get some of my emotions out in the open here...plus I know someone's gotta feel the same way as me, haha! Thanks for listening to this, I actually didn't intend to write all this, it just sorta flowed out... Though it IS good to vent! I just want to let all of you know I AM okay, and the insecurites are troublesome but fleeting. I'll be alright, and I'm still very positive despite when it happens. I mean...you can't spell awesome without ME! *shot*
Anyhows, love you all so much. I thank you all for your support, love and understanding. You're all such wonderful friends!
Hope you all like my new art.
Much love, please take care!
Also please check out this gorgeous piece made for me out of absolute care and love. Toast is such an amazing artist and friend!